Life is wonderful... NOT! I'm really really fat!! Yeah, I know I'm not objectively fat, but my mind tells me I'm fat. It's my fucking disease. It eats me up inside...

I was 88.5 pounds this morning. Fuck! And I really try to gain some weight. I want to gain 10 pounds. *sight* I'm a failure! When I want to lose weight I gain some, and when I want to gain, I lose weight...

I actually went to school today! Jaiks.. It was terrible. My norwegian teacher came to me and gave me a big hug infront of everyone. I was so ashamed. Shes my teacher, damn! I wanted to scream, but I couldn't...

When I enterd the classroom I guess I had a pulse at 100. I started to be in a cold sweat, and I couldn't breath. I was in a funk. I just wanted to run outside or down to the toilet and cut. I wantet to cut my arm off. Cut my artery. But I didn't! Yay!

My tummy hurt. I guess I ate too much. A yoghurt for breakfast, a nutridrink for lunch and two slices of bread with ham for dinner. My stomach isn't used to that... And I also have to mention that I bought a bag with diet candy...

I talked to A* last night=) We are going to the theatre together. I'm so happy! He told me I'm such a beautiful and funny girl to hang out with. Wee!! A boy likes me!

Anyway, I get Easter vacation tomorrow. My family are going up to the mountains for skiing. My brother also wants to join us=) We are going to this ski slopes, and I'm gonna be a "snowboard-chick" for a week. I really look forward to it=) So, if I don't update in a while it is because I'm on vacation.

Take care!

xoxo Nemi -anorexic beauty of pulp-

before - after

© Nemi 2002/2003